Redemption

This year I decided I was no longer having a birthday. For years - my birthday has been terrible. Some horrible things have happened on that day - and I no longer had any hope for it. I have always thought each year as my horrible day passes that there is no way it could get worse - it must get better. But each year it shocks me when it does.

This year on my birthday someone very close to me told me that I was an "unsafe" person. For me this was the worst thing that could have happened. I live my life valuing people highly and honoring their trust in me. So to be told I was unsafe (with no reason why to have it make sense) on my BIRTHDAY was the final straw. No more birthdays for me. They are too painful.

Yesterday was my going away party at work. I am leaving to move to Texas soon and they wanted to honor me. This in and of itself is foreign to me. People rarely if ever take time to honor me - and usually they just disappear from my life and I am left wondering why. As I walked into the room I was surrounded by my coworkers shouting "Happy Birthday" and throwing balloons at me. I was a little confused by this. My coworkers are generally pretty crazy so it is not unusual for them to throw things and shout weird things...but Happy Birthday was strange.

Then it became clear to me. They knew that my birthday always is terrible and were determined to show me what it should feel like. They were redeeming the day for me.

We had a wonderful party - complete with presents, party hats and a pinata. And at the end they all sat me down and had an encouragement time where they told me things about me that they have loved, observed and appreciated. And the thing that I was bowled over by was the theme that emerged from that time. It kept coming up that I was "safe". That was the number one thing that I was told...I am a good friend, trustworthy, and safe. Each time I heard that word it penetrated my heart.

And each time it seemed as if it was healing a part of my soul. A part that had been broken on my last birthday - a day I choose to forget. I got a glimpse of what redemption is. In a very tangible way.

Maybe I won't give up on birthdays. Because redemption is all about hope. And yesterday I was given hope again. Hope that the things I do are not in vain. But they are appreciated and recognized. I feel honored. And that was the best birthday gift I have ever gotten.