Denial- a Nice Place to Live

I live in denial
it is a nice place to live
it is comfortable there
there are no problems or issues
there are no intense feelings
everything just kind of is
and that is good

but for some reason
reality keeps trying to barge in
to this cozy home of denial I have created
sadness oozes under the doorframe
loneliness bangs on the door
anger howls at the window
pain rattles at the locks

I want to continue to live in denial
I like it there
but I fear that it is a short lived comfort
and reality will be tenacious
and crash through my illusions

I am going to cling to denial just as long as I can
for I know that reality will be a sad place to be
for a long long time
there are many lonely nights ahead
there are many tears to shed
there are many feelings to feel

but not today
today I am in denial
it is a nice place to live
today anyway.

The Fading Flowers...

I was driving home the other day and passed a shop with a wagon out front full of flowers. It was a bright sunny day and all of the spring flowers are blooming in brilliant colors...yellow daffodils, pink tulips, purple crocus...it is gorgeous outside in Chicago in spring. But this wagon looked a little strange as I drove by so I slowed down. As I looked closer I realized that the flowers were not real. They were artificial and they had been outside so long in the sun that they had begun to fade. Next to the "real flowers" they just looked sad and fake.

It made me think. I have recently been in the company of two people who are compulsive liars. They make up these fantastic stories that are crafted in such a way to twist your heartstrings and get attention. There are many people who are fully sucked in to the drama in both of these people's lives. They are rallying around them and offering support and love. But there are a few of us who are standing back watching all of this happen - knowing that these are all lies that are made up. We have evidence that we have gathered when the first twinges of doubt crossed all of our minds that proves that these stories are false. And because we know the truth -it is obvious that although some stories may have a twinge of truth as a base...they are fake and artificial and have no life in them.

And it is sad that someone would choose to live an artificial life. A life that may seem vibrant and fun and colorful to them when they stand alone. But when you put them next to someone who is truly living out Christ's love- blooming with color that is rich and bold and beautiful- it is so obvious that this is not how life is supposed to be.

Why would anyone plant artificial flowers outside in God's creation? Do you really think that you can compete with that? No matter how good the replica - eventually the light of the sun will fade the colors and it will be obvious to all that it is fake.

Because that is what Son-light does. It sheds truth...it fades things that are not growing rooted in Him.

I love the creativity of my Father...who provides rich and vivid illustrations to me as I drive home from work.

What I Know For Sure

Oprah Winfrey ends each issue of her magazine with an article called "What I Know for Sure". I find it interesting that she has done this for 5 years. I don't know if I could positively say I know that many things "for sure".

I know wisdom comes with age. I think I knew more things "for sure" when I was a teenager. I knew it all then. The older I get - the more I realize how little in life is "for sure" and how little I actually know at all.

But there are just a few "for sure" things that have not wavered that I can absolutely claim to know "for sure" without coming off as arrogant and prideful.

I know for sure - that there is a God. He is love. And I will NEVER even begin to wrap my arms around who He fully is. There will always be new, surprising things that He will show me. But I know for sure that He exists, He loves me and He will never abandon me. He is trustworthy and dependable- as the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

I know for sure that relationships are important and valuable and hard. I will never stop believing in friendship - and no matter how many times I am hurt or disappointed in relationships - I will never stop believing in vulnerability and openness and walking with others through life. I know for sure that God created us to be in relationship with others and that He created that desire of my heart.

That is all I really know for sure at 33 years old. Those are the only hills I would die on. Everything else is multi-layered and I keep learning to see new sides of different issues. The only other thing I could say I know for sure is that I don't know much. And I am okay with that. I could fill my life with knowledge and learning - but I don't think I would know much more "for sure" than I do now. Because life is too complicated. God is too big. No matter how much I learn about Him...it is just a smidge of His character.

So I am glad Oprah knows so much "for sure"- maybe that brings her fulfillment. But for me -I think I will just be content not knowing much at all.