Fear

Fear can paralyze us.
We can get so wrapped up in the fear of what "could" happen that we don't do anything at all.
We fear other people's reactions so much that we don't confront when we need to confront.
We fear rejection so much that we don't pursue understanding and possibly deepen relationships.
We fear the unknown so much that we try to control our surroundings
and we fear the past so much that we bury our feelings and block out reality.
We are enmeshed in our fear.
Almost everything can be traced back to fear.

What do I fear?
I fear being needy.
I fear being alone.
I fear being forgotten.
I fear being different.
I fear being left.
I fear that I will hurt others.
I could go on but I am scaring myself.

I cling to the scripture that says perfect love casts out fear.
I went to the rodeo this past weekend (which is another story altogether) but the analogy in my head is one of God on a horse - rounding up all of my fears for me and tying them up. I don't have to worry about them at all. He has it under control. And only His opinion matters. He is the author and perfector of my faith. He writes my story ...and only He promises to be with me and love me through everything. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Recently I have had to face every one of my fears head on. They all came crashing in on me -trying to drown my soul. Trying to take over my life and take my eyes off of Him.
But God was faithful - as He promised He would be. He rounded up all of my fears - and showed me the truths that were hiding behind them. And somehow they did not seem so big and scary when they were all tied up.

Does that mean I will never face fear again?

Ha.

I think I will fear something daily. It is just life.

But it gets easier to remember that my fears don't need to own me. That God owns me and takes care of me. And that releases me from the paralysis and gives me space to run.

Weeping Willow Tree

Do you think that God created this tree as a visual reminder of how He cries for us?
The drooping arms of the tree convey beauty, majesty and despair all at the same time.
Which I think is true of God.
He weeps for us (and sometimes because of us).
For our heartaches, for our pain caused by broken people in a broken world.
The tree is so regal and yet all I feel when I look at it is empathy.
Empathy from God for me.
I just want to sit underneath the tree and be covered by it.
Covered by the love of my Father who knows my heart- knows my pain -
and weeps for me.