A Day in Her Life

She sat in the window staring at the street. Her eyes lacked any sort of life in them at all as she watched the passersby. She was dressed in cheap clothes and her face was hidden beneath a mass of makeup. She was tired. Tired of this life she lived, and not quite sure how it was that she had come to live it. She wanted to go home.

But where was home? She no longer remembered what home felt like. She could not dare to call the small filthy room where she slept during the day “home”. This room was also where she conducted her “business” – and too many unspeakable things happened in that room to ever call it home.

As she sat in the window – she stared across the street at the beautiful old church. It seemed almost laughable that she picked up her clients right here outside of this place where many had come to worship a God that she had never known. As she sat in the window she wondered why – if there was such a thing as God- He would ever allow such a place as this – the Red Light District in Amsterdam- where every conceivable “pleasure” was used to excess at all hours of the day. Which she had thought would be so exciting when she came – and now realized was only something that made her feel used and worthless and dead.

Today was a hard day. She had been up all night long – and still had not made enough money to pay the rent – which was due today. If she did not turn at least one more trick before the landlord came to visit – she would be out on the street again. She looked listlessly out the window – partially hoping to find an eligible target – but lacking the energy to care. Because if this was all life was about – then maybe she would be better off ending it all anyway. In that moment she made a decision – if she did not make the money for rent – then today would be her last day on earth. This was hardly a passing thought. She had been living in this darkness for so long – she really did not see any other way out. Life was hell anyway – why not put an end to it all?

As she sat in the window – sipping her tea to ward off the chill of the morning, a young couple exited the church across the street. That seemed odd to her – the old church had closed years ago – when the street had deteriorated and become so undesirable. Churchgoers would hardly step foot in this district.

The couple crossed the street and entered the café where she was seated. They ordered their coffee and approached her table. “Do you mind if we sit with you?” the young woman asked with a smile.

“Oh, no,” she thought. “They are Americans. They don’t know what I am doing here. How embarrassing.” She was too tired to be mean to them (as she knew she should be in order to get them to leave). She was too tired to put up any false pretenses or be polite either so she just blurted out, “I am not someone you want to sit with. I am a hooker and I am working this street right now. There are plenty of tables open. You don’t want to talk to me and I understand.”

The young Americans did not blink an eye. The woman actually looked her right in the eye and smiled tenderly. “Do you mind if we sit with you?” she said again gently. “My name is Sarah and this is my husband Craig. What is your name?”

She had not spoken her real name out loud for so long it surprised her when she heard herself give it. “My name is Lina,” she said softly.

Both Sarah and Craig sat down with her and Sarah reached out her hand to touch Lina’s. Lina startled a little bit as Sarah said, “It is nice to meet you Lina. We are moving in right across the street and it will be good to know someone in the neighborhood.”

“You are moving into the church?”

“Yes,” Craig said. “We are hoping to open it up again for the neighborhood.”

Lina looked at the ground, her mind racing. They seemed so nice. She did not want to be the one to tell them, but she really felt like someone should. Maybe because they were foreigners they did not know. She took a deep breath.

“I don’t think you understand. Maybe the words are different in America. I am a prostitute. The reason this church closed down was because all the church people did not want to go in this neighborhood anymore. This is the Red Light District. Don’t you know what that is?” Lina hoped they did. She did not think she could bear to explain it to them. This was the longest conversation she had had with anyone in so long. And they were treating her so nicely. She could not remember the last time a woman had touched her the way Sarah had. She could not remember the last time someone had looked her in the eye. It felt so wonderful. She almost wanted to weep with all of the emotions she was starting to feel. Emotions that she had long buried. Emotions that threatened to overwhelm her.

Sarah and Craig exchanged a glance. Sarah smiled at her again and reached out for her hand and held it tenderly.

“Lina, we know who lives here. We know what you do. We knew the minute we saw you in the window. We are not opening the church up for the church-going people. We are coming here for you. We want to introduce you to a God who knows you and loves you. We want to love you the way He does.”

Lina blinked back tears. God loved her? What were these people talking about? While she knew she should tell them to go away – while she knew that she needed to make her rent money – she couldn’t drop Sarah’s hand. There was something about touching someone without having to give away a piece of her body in exchange that felt so comforting.

“Lina,” said Craig. “Do you know what your name means? It means “pure”. What a beautiful name for a beautiful woman.”

“Ha,” Lina couldn’t hold back the sarcastic laugh. “Who are you people? Pure? I am so far from pure. I am filthy. I am used. I am the woman that men use and then throw away.” Tears gathered in her eyes but she refused to let them fall. Why was she letting these people get to her? She thought she felt low before. At least she hadn’t had to put words around how she felt before these two people sat down with her.

“But Lina, you can be pure. God can make you pure again. He can cleanse your soul of all of the dirty, ugly things inside of you. He can heal all of the pieces of you that are broken. He loves you.”

“That is easy for you to say,” said Lina bitterly. “You can sweep in here and “save” me and then go away and leave me here. I have rent to pay today and I have to work so leave me alone. I don’t have time to talk to someone who knows all of the answers and wants me to change my life. It is easy for you to say. You don’t have to pay my rent. You don’t have to feed me.”

She looked at Sarah and saw that the young woman had tears falling down her face.

“Lina, we did not come here to save you. We came here to be your friend. I don’t know anyone here and I would love to be your friend. You look tired. Please tell us how much you need to cover your rent. We can give it to you so that you can go to bed. Then maybe tomorrow we could have coffee? I really could use a friend here.”

“So you give me money and I have to come to your church?”

”You don’t have to come to our church at all. I can meet you here or anywhere you would like.”

”But we have to talk about God?”

“If you want to. If you don’t we can talk about anything else you want. I just want to be your friend. I would love to talk about God only because He is such an important part of my life. But I also would understand if you don’t want to.”

”Aren’t you afraid to be seen with me? Don’t you want to find more acceptable friends? I don’t need friends you know. I am doing fine by myself.” Lina bit the inside of her lip after she said this. Please be my friend, she cried out in her head. Please don’t be ashamed to be seen with me. I don’t think I could handle rejection anymore today.

Sarah smiled again.

“If you aren’t ashamed to be friends with an American then I would love to make that coffee date right now,” she said. “What time works for you with your work schedule?”

Lina almost laughed out loud with delight. Work schedule? Was this girl insane? How could she not be cringing inside at the reality of what I do?

“I could meet you here tomorrow at 5,” she said quietly-hopefully.

Craig quietly slipped some money into her hand and when she looked down she saw that it was exactly enough to pay her rent.

“Thank you,” she said softly staring at the ground. She was in disbelief at this entire encounter and was afraid it was too good to be true.

Sarah squeezed her hand until she looked up into her eyes. ”No, Lina. Thank you. I can’t wait until tomorrow. See you then?”

“Yes, see you then.”

As she trudged up the stairs to her dingy room alone there was a little bounce in her step. The promise of a friend seemed too good to be true and she was sure there was a catch in there somewhere. But right now, she did not care. She had a small hope that tomorrow could be better…and that was something she had not had in a very, very long time.