Solitaire

Have you ever played any of those games that are on your computer? My favorite game has always been freecell. It requires a lot of thought and logic but I am really good at it. They say that every game can be won…and rarely do I lose a game. I don’t usually sit and play freecell…as I usually am working or writing or emailing…but I am really good at it.

But lately all I have been doing is sitting with my laptop on my lap and playing solitaire over and over and over. Solitaire requires very little thought for me. It is almost a mindless game that occupies my hands and some little corner of my brain…but that is it. I find that I can’t stop playing…to the point where I am not doing anything else. I have little sore spots on my fingertips from the mouse on my computer. It is pathetic really.

So today- to mix it up I decided to turn on freecell. The cards lined up on the screen were overwhelming to me. Instead of seeing a challenge or a puzzle to figure out- all I saw was chaos that threatened to envelop me. It was too much. It was too much energy and effort to even try to play the game.

I turned it off and went back to solitaire…where there was only one row of cards and not too many things to think through.

And I felt better. Like this was the only thing I can handle right now.

I have turned off the phone. I am not working at all.

I am just sitting here playing solitaire. For hours.

Solitaire has become a metaphor of my life...

I have to go back to work tomorrow. And I have an inbox full of issues to deal with and people to talk to. And the thought of that overwhelms me right now.

So I am going to play it like a game of solitaire.
One thing at a time.