The Two-Way Mirror
There is a girl I know named Emily. She fascinates me. She is an actress and writer. She gets up on stage all the time and makes me laugh and cry. She writes monologues that are gut wrenchingly honest and performs them in front of hundreds of people. I can’t imagine doing something like that. She intimidates me. I used to feel like she must have it all together and be super self-confident.
One time I had a conversation with her about acting. We went out to lunch and had a really vulnerable conversation. I had to know how she could get up in front of so many people and do what she did. I wanted her to explain it to me. The really interesting thing about that conversation is that she was very uncomfortable. She did not like talking about herself and admitted that she was actually MORE comfortable speaking in front of a crowd than she was one on one. When she was talking to someone face-to-face it was more intrusive and she felt more vulnerable. When she was up on stage she could separate herself from her emotions and feelings. It was like there was a two-way mirror up and she could not see the audience. She was perfectly comfortable in that setting but sitting across from me at lunch she could barely meet my eyes.
That two-way mirror that she put up kept her safe. But it also kept people at a distance.
Not long after my lunch with Emily…she took a big risk. It was a little shocking to me after just having talked to her about keeping things very safe and easy…she picked up and moved across the country. I am not exactly sure what prompted her to do such a thing…the only excuse I can come up with is that it must have been God. She was, by her own admission just weeks earlier, not a big risk taker and the environment that she went into was going to stretch her relationally.
Two of my other very close friends moved at about this same time to the same place as Emily. Both of them had their own reasons for doing so – but both were going to be a part of the church community Emily was a part of. Both of them talked with me at separate times about Emily. They both knew her from social situations in which Emily tends to be a little dominating and loud. Neither of these friends of mine were real excited to get to know Emily. They honestly thought that based on the interactions they had so far had with her – there is no way they would ever feel her to be a safe person.
The interesting thing about this whole situation to me is that in the past few days I have talked to both of my friends and BOTH of them have told me about recent interactions they have had with Emily. Both of them expressed their surprise at the fact that they are finding Emily much changed. She is learning to be vulnerable and authentic. She is learning to share those messy pieces of herself that she normally would not feel comfortable sharing. And because of this she has become a safe person. She has become someone that other people want to share with and talk to. Instead of being intimidating – she has become real. And that is so much more attractive to be around than the perfect put together persona she was living with before.
My question is…what has changed in Emily? What is it inside of her that suddenly has taken down the two-way mirror and has risked vulnerability? I really wish that I could sit down across the table from her one more time and try again to ask her questions about the whys. I have a feeling that this time my experience would be much different. And I wish that more people would learn to take the risks that Emily took. How much different the world would look if we weren’t hiding behind the mirrors and were real.
One time I had a conversation with her about acting. We went out to lunch and had a really vulnerable conversation. I had to know how she could get up in front of so many people and do what she did. I wanted her to explain it to me. The really interesting thing about that conversation is that she was very uncomfortable. She did not like talking about herself and admitted that she was actually MORE comfortable speaking in front of a crowd than she was one on one. When she was talking to someone face-to-face it was more intrusive and she felt more vulnerable. When she was up on stage she could separate herself from her emotions and feelings. It was like there was a two-way mirror up and she could not see the audience. She was perfectly comfortable in that setting but sitting across from me at lunch she could barely meet my eyes.
That two-way mirror that she put up kept her safe. But it also kept people at a distance.
Not long after my lunch with Emily…she took a big risk. It was a little shocking to me after just having talked to her about keeping things very safe and easy…she picked up and moved across the country. I am not exactly sure what prompted her to do such a thing…the only excuse I can come up with is that it must have been God. She was, by her own admission just weeks earlier, not a big risk taker and the environment that she went into was going to stretch her relationally.
Two of my other very close friends moved at about this same time to the same place as Emily. Both of them had their own reasons for doing so – but both were going to be a part of the church community Emily was a part of. Both of them talked with me at separate times about Emily. They both knew her from social situations in which Emily tends to be a little dominating and loud. Neither of these friends of mine were real excited to get to know Emily. They honestly thought that based on the interactions they had so far had with her – there is no way they would ever feel her to be a safe person.
The interesting thing about this whole situation to me is that in the past few days I have talked to both of my friends and BOTH of them have told me about recent interactions they have had with Emily. Both of them expressed their surprise at the fact that they are finding Emily much changed. She is learning to be vulnerable and authentic. She is learning to share those messy pieces of herself that she normally would not feel comfortable sharing. And because of this she has become a safe person. She has become someone that other people want to share with and talk to. Instead of being intimidating – she has become real. And that is so much more attractive to be around than the perfect put together persona she was living with before.
My question is…what has changed in Emily? What is it inside of her that suddenly has taken down the two-way mirror and has risked vulnerability? I really wish that I could sit down across the table from her one more time and try again to ask her questions about the whys. I have a feeling that this time my experience would be much different. And I wish that more people would learn to take the risks that Emily took. How much different the world would look if we weren’t hiding behind the mirrors and were real.
posted by Amie at 2:11 PM
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