Other People's Faith
So I was talking with my counselor yesterday and at the end of our session she said to me that she wanted to read some scripture and pray for me. "Because other people's faith will need to carry you now".
And I thought that interesting. Because several people have asked me where God is in this whole situation. I think they expect me to be mad at Him. Or feel far away from Him.
But the truth is, I feel like He is sitting here with me. Crying with me. Swimming in my pain with me. And He is doing that groaning thing that we hear so much about but I never quite understood until now.
You see, I can't formulate thoughts or concentrate on anything. There is so much going on in my head that I lose focus. I have gotten lost driving around 5 times in the last week. And today I went to Target and somehow when I got to the checkout counter I had 2 identical pairs of black flip flops. Obviously I couldn't pay attention to what I was doing.
So praying comes in bursts. Really it is just crying. Asking God why. Asking God for help. Asking God to hold me. And strange noises that I can only describe as articulations of the deep well of agony in my heart. And He sits with me in that. Not saying much. But what is there to say really? He is just as sad and angry about this as I am.
So when Catherine said other people's faith needed to carry me right now I just shrugged. I thought, "That is nice but God is with me. I am okay."
Then she opened her Bible and started reading from Romans. I don't know what she read really. I don't think it matters. Somehow just hearing the scripture caused tears to well up.
I felt the arms of my Father wrapping around me. I could almost feel myself being cradled to His chest and rocked back and forth.
So that is what she meant. I did not understand it before. Now I do.
Other people will show me God in different ways working in this. Not just the logistics. But the love part. The sorrow. The comfort. The healing.
Even in the midst of this trauma, I am amazed at my Father. He is going to be my strength and my refuge in all of this. He is going to show me what it truly means to be loved and cherished. And He will do it in ways that I can not even imagine. And that is truly what will carry me through.
And I thought that interesting. Because several people have asked me where God is in this whole situation. I think they expect me to be mad at Him. Or feel far away from Him.
But the truth is, I feel like He is sitting here with me. Crying with me. Swimming in my pain with me. And He is doing that groaning thing that we hear so much about but I never quite understood until now.
You see, I can't formulate thoughts or concentrate on anything. There is so much going on in my head that I lose focus. I have gotten lost driving around 5 times in the last week. And today I went to Target and somehow when I got to the checkout counter I had 2 identical pairs of black flip flops. Obviously I couldn't pay attention to what I was doing.
So praying comes in bursts. Really it is just crying. Asking God why. Asking God for help. Asking God to hold me. And strange noises that I can only describe as articulations of the deep well of agony in my heart. And He sits with me in that. Not saying much. But what is there to say really? He is just as sad and angry about this as I am.
So when Catherine said other people's faith needed to carry me right now I just shrugged. I thought, "That is nice but God is with me. I am okay."
Then she opened her Bible and started reading from Romans. I don't know what she read really. I don't think it matters. Somehow just hearing the scripture caused tears to well up.
I felt the arms of my Father wrapping around me. I could almost feel myself being cradled to His chest and rocked back and forth.
So that is what she meant. I did not understand it before. Now I do.
Other people will show me God in different ways working in this. Not just the logistics. But the love part. The sorrow. The comfort. The healing.
Even in the midst of this trauma, I am amazed at my Father. He is going to be my strength and my refuge in all of this. He is going to show me what it truly means to be loved and cherished. And He will do it in ways that I can not even imagine. And that is truly what will carry me through.
posted by Amie at 6:12 PM
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