Just Give Up

Maybe I should just give up.
Relationships are too hard.
Friendships are too hard.
It is too hard to continue to fully invest in others lives.
To love them.
To listen to them.
To be there for them.
And to have them walk away.
For no reason that I can understand.

Does that make me a bad friend?

Does that make me a bad person?

Sometimes I get lost in the lies.
The lies that Satan whispers in my ear.
Just give up.
It is not worth it.
You are doing something wrong.
You are not worthy of having lasting friendships.
People don't really love you.
God doesn't really love you.

Then I get quiet.
I shut out all of the whispers in my head.
The voices that get louder and louder -
especially at 3 am.
I get quiet and listen.
And I hear the truth in the depths of my soul.

The truth is this.
God created me to love.
And my unique gift is loving others well.
I am a lover of people.
I am a friend.
That has always been my ambition in life.
Not to be someone famous.
Not to make lots of money.
Not to make any sort of mark in the world.

Just to be a friend to those who need one.
And that is what God created me to do.
And although it is hard
and although it sucks most of the time
I have to keep trying.
I have to keep loving.
I have to keep being open and vulnerable.
And love fiercely-
while holding loosely.
Because that is my life.
It is what God created me for.

And I can't give up on friendship.
I can't give up on relationships.
Because that is giving up on me.
And that is giving up on God.

So I will keep being a friend.
And I will give up.
I will give up the hurts and the pain.
I will give up questioning why.
And just be.
Be a friend.
Be a listener.
Be me.