Finding My Voice
I have been told I am a good writer.
Honestly I have a hard time understanding that.
Yes- words are important to me. I like crafting them into sentences and seeing them in black and white. But the stuff I write is literally just a download of the stuff in my head. All the disjointed thoughts and feelings...written down and posted on a blog somewhere or emailed to someone. I don't write them for other people generally...I just write them for me.
That is not what a writer does. A writer is someone who writes a story- with plots and characters and interesting dialogue. A writer can crank out chapters and books and articles.
I can't do that very well. I think in emails and soundbites.
A writer is someone who presents research and background and interesting new ideas. I don't do that. The thought of that paralyzes me...it is a lot of pressure to be innovative and compelling.
I have all of these pictures in my head of what a "writer" is...and I don't fit into any of those pictures. But the thing that fascinates me is that I can write something down...one of those thoughts that float around in my head...that I don't think makes a whole lot of sense outside of the context of my life...and other people will read it and be moved. They will say..."wow, you really understand how I feel. You put it into words and make me think." They will say "I have thought of God in a new way because of what you wrote."
I have asked people to explain to me what it is that makes me a good writer. Not because I want praise but because I honestly don't understand. I read back what I write and it doesn't seem like anything special. And people generally can't explain what it is. They just like it. They connect with it. They feel something when they read it.
So what I have learned is that I need to embrace the fact that I am not like "conventional" writers. I don't write fiction. I don't write non-fiction. I don't think what I write fits into any real category. (which actually I love because I hate being labelled!)
But I think I have finally found my voice. I write whatever God speaks into the depths of my soul. Sometimes it is painful. Sometimes it is hopeful. Sometimes it doesn't make much sense to me. But I know it helps me to write it. And the gift is...it helps other people as well. Without me even intending to do so. Without me even understanding how that works. So maybe I am a writer after all. And maybe I will keep on trying to refine my voice and trust that God will use it somehow.
Honestly I have a hard time understanding that.
Yes- words are important to me. I like crafting them into sentences and seeing them in black and white. But the stuff I write is literally just a download of the stuff in my head. All the disjointed thoughts and feelings...written down and posted on a blog somewhere or emailed to someone. I don't write them for other people generally...I just write them for me.
That is not what a writer does. A writer is someone who writes a story- with plots and characters and interesting dialogue. A writer can crank out chapters and books and articles.
I can't do that very well. I think in emails and soundbites.
A writer is someone who presents research and background and interesting new ideas. I don't do that. The thought of that paralyzes me...it is a lot of pressure to be innovative and compelling.
I have all of these pictures in my head of what a "writer" is...and I don't fit into any of those pictures. But the thing that fascinates me is that I can write something down...one of those thoughts that float around in my head...that I don't think makes a whole lot of sense outside of the context of my life...and other people will read it and be moved. They will say..."wow, you really understand how I feel. You put it into words and make me think." They will say "I have thought of God in a new way because of what you wrote."
I have asked people to explain to me what it is that makes me a good writer. Not because I want praise but because I honestly don't understand. I read back what I write and it doesn't seem like anything special. And people generally can't explain what it is. They just like it. They connect with it. They feel something when they read it.
So what I have learned is that I need to embrace the fact that I am not like "conventional" writers. I don't write fiction. I don't write non-fiction. I don't think what I write fits into any real category. (which actually I love because I hate being labelled!)
But I think I have finally found my voice. I write whatever God speaks into the depths of my soul. Sometimes it is painful. Sometimes it is hopeful. Sometimes it doesn't make much sense to me. But I know it helps me to write it. And the gift is...it helps other people as well. Without me even intending to do so. Without me even understanding how that works. So maybe I am a writer after all. And maybe I will keep on trying to refine my voice and trust that God will use it somehow.
posted by Amie at 5:12 PM
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