A Little Goes a Long Way

I used to think I was a high maintenance friend. I think that was a lie that I had been fed my whole life. Starting in grade school when girls are mean to each other. I was told that I was "always hanging around". I was "always asking for attention". In retrospect I see that was not true. I spent most of my time alone and even sat inside alone at recess most days - reading or writing stories. But I believed the lie that I was too needy. I was asking too much from people. When in reality I wasn't asking for anything much at all.

I carried that wound into my adult years. So much so that I never asked anyone for anything. I became that person that was always there for other people but rarely shared my neediness with anyone else. I never wanted to be accused of being too needy again so I squelched all of my own needs and just focused on other people.

But recently that stopped working for me and so I started letting others into my world. I let myself need other people. And at first it backfired on me - big time. I think it rocked some other people's worlds. The person that they always counted on to be there was suddenly not there for them. I needed a listening non-judgmental ear for once. And at first I felt very judged. I felt abandoned. I felt "too needy".

Then I realized that I was going to the wrong people. I found other people to go to...and the results of that have healed my soul.

I realized that I am not too needy. And a little goes a long way. I don't suck the life out of people. I haven't become a stalker. And believe me - I have felt like that before.

I can have one 5 minute conversation in which I can be real and vulnerable and that can fill me up for days. I just need one person to say that they understand, that they are sorry or that life sucks...and then I am okay.

So I continue to dig into the junk of my life- looking at the past, dealing with the present and ignoring the future (for now!). And I continue to let others walk with me in it. And I continue to realize how much it is okay to need other people. And how that doesn't make me crazy. And that doesn't make me wrong. It just makes me real.