Hope Comes in the Morning
I have felt lately as if a cloud of death has been hanging over my head. There has been an unbelievable amount of loss surrounding me…actual physical death (no one should have to attend 2 funerals due to suicide in one month), death of a friendship, death of my work identity and death of life as I now live it as we move away.
I have been walking gingerly through life the last few months as all of this death goes on around me…almost as if I were walking through a minefield. I am unsure if I am going to trigger a new attack…wondering if some enemy is out to get me.
But I have been holding tightly to Jesus’ hand as I am surrounded by death. I probably in the past would have retreated into seclusion and put my covers over my head until it passed. But I strongly sensed God telling me that I needed to keep my head up and face it all head on. He would walk with me through it and comfort me and guide me.
Yesterday I felt the cloud lift just a little – just long enough to get a glimpse of what is to come. I went to Niagara Falls for the first time. The sheer magnitude and majesty of this creation of God was unbelievable. It was beautiful and breathtaking and powerful and deadly all at the same time. Standing in front of the falls and feeling the spray of the water on my face I couldn’t help but confront all of the death that has been happening. Suicide was on the forefront of my mind as I thought about how this beautiful place had also been the final resting place of many people who had jumped over the edge of the falls.
It made me realize that pain and beauty are all mixed up with the good and the bad of life. It churns around like the froth of the water falling. Some things bob to the surface at different times…like the death and pain that has been hanging over me lately…but stepping back and looking at the beauty of the falls I realize that it has to be that way. The waterfall would not be as beautiful if it did not have the power and force crashing the water into the rocks. It is scary but stunning.
At the end of my time at Niagara Falls we were walking to the car and the sun was shining and we were suddenly surrounded by rainbows. They were everywhere we looked and it was a moment I felt was just for me. It was God telling me that the darkness is lifting…and that He promises to keep walking with me. The dawning of the sun is upon me and hope comes in the morning.
I will cling to that promise as the weeks unfold with many unknowns- grieving and packing and leaving so many things. But God has promised that it will be worth it. Hope will come in the morning and He doesn’t leave me alone in the dark. I am relying on that.
I have been walking gingerly through life the last few months as all of this death goes on around me…almost as if I were walking through a minefield. I am unsure if I am going to trigger a new attack…wondering if some enemy is out to get me.
But I have been holding tightly to Jesus’ hand as I am surrounded by death. I probably in the past would have retreated into seclusion and put my covers over my head until it passed. But I strongly sensed God telling me that I needed to keep my head up and face it all head on. He would walk with me through it and comfort me and guide me.
Yesterday I felt the cloud lift just a little – just long enough to get a glimpse of what is to come. I went to Niagara Falls for the first time. The sheer magnitude and majesty of this creation of God was unbelievable. It was beautiful and breathtaking and powerful and deadly all at the same time. Standing in front of the falls and feeling the spray of the water on my face I couldn’t help but confront all of the death that has been happening. Suicide was on the forefront of my mind as I thought about how this beautiful place had also been the final resting place of many people who had jumped over the edge of the falls.
It made me realize that pain and beauty are all mixed up with the good and the bad of life. It churns around like the froth of the water falling. Some things bob to the surface at different times…like the death and pain that has been hanging over me lately…but stepping back and looking at the beauty of the falls I realize that it has to be that way. The waterfall would not be as beautiful if it did not have the power and force crashing the water into the rocks. It is scary but stunning.
At the end of my time at Niagara Falls we were walking to the car and the sun was shining and we were suddenly surrounded by rainbows. They were everywhere we looked and it was a moment I felt was just for me. It was God telling me that the darkness is lifting…and that He promises to keep walking with me. The dawning of the sun is upon me and hope comes in the morning.
I will cling to that promise as the weeks unfold with many unknowns- grieving and packing and leaving so many things. But God has promised that it will be worth it. Hope will come in the morning and He doesn’t leave me alone in the dark. I am relying on that.
posted by Amie at 5:50 PM
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