The Death of a Friendship

Everyday I hope that she will call.
Everyday I jump every time the phone rings
Thinking that there is no way she would just walk away
From friendship
From me

Aren’t I worth fighting for?

Everyday it becomes more clear
That she is not going to call
Ever
And deep down inside I think I knew that.
And that makes me sad.

I wonder when I will stop hoping.
I wonder when I will stop thinking about her daily
Wondering how she is doing
Wondering if she understands

There are so many reminders everywhere
Will that ever go away?
Or will it just fade to a dull ache?
I don’t know.
I don’t even know if I want it to go away.

Because I still care deeply
And wish it didn’t have to be the way it was
And wish I knew what happened
Because it doesn’t make any sense at all
I wonder what flipped the switch
Where everything that was once good
Suddenly became bad.

My phone stays silent
My inbox stays empty
But my worth is not measured in rings and emails
And I can let go of the need to know why.

It will just take time.
And I have got lots of time.

And maybe someday things will be different
And maybe not.
And the thing is
That is not something I can control

So I daily let go
And let God heal me
And love me
And try to stop listening for the phone call
That will never come.

Try anyway.